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  • Writer's pictureJaya Koilpillai Bohlmann

Express yourself – just don’t scream!

Updated: Oct 24, 2018

Do you work in a place where bosses and employees flare up and yell at each other when conflicts arise? Or are you in the type of environment where, people bury their frustrations and annoyances in hunched shoulders and gritted teeth, making it through the day with no external altercations? Both can be harmful. According to a recent Wall Street Journal article by Sue Shellenbarger, the best ways to deal with anger at work is to be honest. Admit your feelings in a setting that is safe for all parties involved, and express yourself with words and body language that shows respect and kindness. Tough to do when you’re upset. Some of Shellenbarger’s tips, with my own embellishments:

1. Stay calm in the first place by keeping the situation in perspective and even before that, taking good care of your body and mind through sleep, exercise, a good diet, and good relationships at home.

2. When #1 fails, as it will at times despite our most conscientious efforts, before responding to a fiery situation, walk away and think about it, which also gives you time to calm down.

3. Once you’re clear about how you feel and what is at the root of the situation for you, sit down with the people involved and tell them the truth – that something they did or said had an impact on you, and that in turn will have/is having an impact on your relationship with them – until you can clear it up.  Be specific, non-blaming, use “I” statements to own that this is your experience (even if it has wider impact on the office).

4. Do #3 in person, rather than email or even phone. Depending on the severity or sensitivity of the situation, you probably will need your whole self engaged.

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